Be Like Florence.
Sixteen weeks ago, my entire world was turned upside down, shaken around a little and put back with a bang; I had a baby. It's little wonder, really, that new mums are often asked how we’re coping and how we’re feeling “within ourselves”. Florence (my baby daughter, born on Christmas Eve 2018) had just as much of an upheaval though. She suddenly arrived into this massive unknown world, with absolutely everything to learn. Yet, somehow, she seems to be coping quite remarkably, and she’s managing to adjust to all that life has thrown at her in the past four months a lot more naturally than I am. When it comes to “coping” and feeling good “within myself”, I'm beginning to realise that perhaps she has a few things to teach me on this crazy, stretched out learning curve. Maybe I should follow by her example and ‘be like Florence’...
1. Exercise
There's only so long I can pull off the 'just had a baby' excuse, and only so many more lazy snuggles on the sofa I can justify. Florence is never happier than after we’ve been swimming or gone for a nice long walk. She’s forever kicking her legs and trying to sit up, moving around and more recently, trying to roll over! So point taken, I should, like Florence, start to better myself by moving more!
2. Overcome My Fears
The middle-of-the-night moments of paranoia: "Is she breathing?!"
The extensive Google searches: "What do I do if my baby starts to choke?!" And "is my baby getting enough milk?!"
Grasping onto the banister for dear life in case you fall when carrying her up the stairs. Constantly checking that your sling is on properly in case she slips straight through it... Yeah, I’ve done all of the above.
For me, my list of fears as a new mum is pretty endless and maybe that will never go away - maybe the list just adapts. While I worry about most things, Florence seems to be getting on with life pretty obliviously, and fearlessly!
Guess what, she was breathing every time I plonked my finger under her nose, she always lets me know me when she's had enough milk and most of the times I've checked, she's fallen fast asleep in the sling without a care in the world!
“They have no worries and we carry them all.” Is how my mum so accurately put it.
So, noted - I need to chill out (a little) more, like Florence.
3. Have a Bath
...Or if baths are not your thing, take 20 minutes to relax some other way. The total number of baths I've had since Florence came along is zero.
Well, zero if we don't include the bath we shared this week. We were having a special skin-to-skin moment in the water together, bringing back lovely memories of the seconds after she was born in the birthing pool, when she decided to do a poo. In the bath. With me.
I don’t think that should count, because ordinarily you can't beat a nice baby bubble bath - the smiles and the smells. Yes it’s true, I should be more like Florence and make the time to enjoy a bubble bath every now and then (preferably on my own).
4. Eat Well
I'll quite openly share that, like many other women, we've had an awful time breastfeeding.
I had three horrible cases of mastitis, we both had a couple of episodes of thrush and for a long time, my nipples looked and felt like they were going to fall apart - they bled and blistered and made my toes curl. Most of our problems came down to Florence's pretty restrictive tongue tie, which she eventually had snipped at Raigmore hospital. Until then, I was in agony. I dreaded every feed and I chomped on a pencil each time she tried to latch on to me (picture below). I also cried, I cried a lot.
I can honestly say I've never tried so hard to do anything in my entire life and while I've already forgotten the pain of contractions and child birth, I don't feel I'll ever forget how sore it was trying to breastfeed my baby in the first few weeks.
Sorting the tongue tie has helped a great deal. She can now latch on properly, which means the nipple pain has subsided. Unfortunately, during the couple of weeks I allowed my nipples to heal, she became 'breast shy' and will often point blank refuse to go on me, hankering for the familiarity of a bottle. So I've continued to express milk (I do this every four to five hours, strictly - sometimes more often if she needs it) and we have the option of breastmilk from a bottle or straight from me whenever she feels like it.
If you're reading this and you're going through something similar, feel free to drop me a message if you would like to chat or ask me anything. Other mums made that same offer to me, and I'd be happy to do the same for someone else - for some of us, it’s really difficult to get through.
Florence has taught me a lot through this feeding journey - turns out I’m more stubborn than I realised! She’s also shown me patience, as has my husband Kevin. In fact, I’m not sure I’d have carried on breastfeeding without his support.
So for now, Florence is enjoying her breast milk diet (via bottle or breast) and I’m slowly on my way to quitting the Jaffa Cake diet (via half moon, eclipse or total eclipse).
5. Party!
OK, late night partying is maybe the last thing on my mind these days, but I do understand the importance of socialising when you’ve just become a new mum. It tackles anxiety and your confidence is bound to grow each day you both venture out of your comfort zone and meet people - I know mine has. Plus, ‘partying’ (ie socialising) gives you a reason to just get dressed and get out of the house some days and talk to other adults without doing a silly baby voice.
Unlike me, Florence doesn’t seem to get embarrassed at the things she says (yet) and she doesn’t seem to do awkward moments (yet). She’s not shy or nervous to go along to new groups. Nor does she overthink social situations, she’s just completely herself and she manages to make a lot of friends - I think she has more friends than I do already! It’s pretty clear, I think I need to be more like Florence and I’m pretty sure I’m not alone on this one.
6. Express Your Feelings
There's always someone out there who is happy to listen to you. So if there's something bothering you, let them know. Florence doesn't think twice about doing that, trust me!
We do our best to work out what’s on her mind then do our utmost to fix it, that’s really what we’re here for. It’s important to be like Florence here, it’s ok to be upset about something and it’s definitely ok to tell someone about it.
7. Tell Someone You Love Them
People deserve to know when they're loved. Although Florence can't quite utter the words, she certainly shows it and it goes straight to my heart with warmth. It's a really special feeling, being loved. So, tell someone and let them experience it, like Florence does everyday.
8. Love yourself too!
This may be the most important lesson Florence has taught me.
A post-baby body (especially one with blistered nipples and an addiction to Jaffa Cakes) isn't one I really want to show off. My hair, like a lot of women post-pregnancy, has started to fall out too and I don't think I'll ever get rid of my stretch marks, no matter how much Bio Oil I apply!
On the inside, I’ve gone through moments of feeling like a failure (particularly during the early breastfeeding stages) and every time something has gone wrong (the evenings of inconsolable baby tears or when I just can’t get the pram to fold away) I’ve blamed myself pretty unfairly.
But, like Florence, I should be smiling when I look in the mirror, everyone should. Blistered nipples only show how much I wanted my baby to get all the goodness available to her, and stretch marks only show how my body made space for her - to keep her safe, to allow her to grow. I’ve done the best I possibly can for her in every way since Christmas Eve, and you’ll be pleased to know that I’ve proudly mastered the pram mechanics (just about).
Babies are so blissfully unaware of the pressures of today’s expectations of ‘beauty’ - the impossible Kate Middleton standards, the unattainable Kardashian looks.
When she looks at herself in the mirror it makes her smile. I hope that never changes. I always want her to be completely content with the person she is, inside and out.
I wish I could be like Florence here.
I’m fairly certain she has a lot more to teach me, as it’s only been four months and I’m still completely winging this whole ‘mum’ thing. So this is not the end of our learning curve, far from it. But I have realised that, to make things simpler along the way, we could all do with being a little more like Florence.
