WHAT IS IT ABOUT BEING A LEODHASACH?
(A Leodhasach - a person from Lewis)
This place (and this post) is not for notion-twisted idealists determined to move to a 'remote Scottish island' after that one great holiday they had here during HebCelt, or following that one inspiring documentary they watched on TV. It doesn't take a genius to learn and adapt to our 'Leodhasach' ways, but it does take a realist.
First, pass the test!
That said, not every realist has what it takes. Being a Leodhasach requires a very particular outlook on life and yes, some rather thick skin (for the weather, if nothing else).
If you're thinking of becoming one, before you do anything, before you make that life changing decision, before you fall for that twisted and perhaps unattainable notion - come up and experience our part of the world at its worst. Test yourself during the middle of an Outer Hebridean winter, when it's dark by 4pm and the ferry is stranded in Ullapool. Embrace those days like we do, and you'll know if life in the Outer Hebrides - or life as a Leodhasach - is truly for you.
Here are six things you should consider about the Leodhasach life before you make that leap, plus a spontaneous rambling at the end on what pulls my Leodhasach heart strings - what is it about this place?
Those thinking of moving here may find it all helpful, while some existing Leodhasachs may be able to relate to parts. The rest of you may wish you had spent several minutes reading anything else.
1. Note that you are not about to step back in time.
We go to the cinema. We do yoga. We have restaurants (good ones and bad ones). We buy groceries at supermarkets, no joke. We host great gigs all year round - folk, indie, country, classical, comedy. There are book clubs, a women's network, football leagues and a rugby club. You can get your nails done and you can even drink cocktails on a Saturday night.
Don't expect life here to be 'backwards', you'll be disappointed.
2. You will have to learn to shop like an islander.
OK, so there isn't a whole lot of scope for 'window shopping'. I mean, Stornoway has some beautiful shop windows but a viewing of them all will not fill your entire Saturday afternoon, like the shops on Glasgow’s Buchanan street would.
You'll probably already know that you can't do any serious shopping on a Sunday (that's 'news' that gets smeared everywhere in the press. It’s tired ‘news’ too). But you can get a pint of milk, a loaf of bread plus emergency snacks and Irn-Bru in Engebretsons on a Sunday (we've all been there).
So you do your Sunday shop on another day here, big deal.
Stornoway shopping tip 1: If you like a bargain, get to the co-op late at night and head towards the end of the meat aisle for reductions (we've all been there too).
Stornoway shopping tip 2: If there's bad weather brewing, all of the islands' milk will vanish. Sure, get in there quick, but don't be too greedy.
3. Please don't try to change the way we are.
Want to fit in? Then just fit in. It's actually quite simple. We have a lot of island traditions that we genuinely like, believe it or not. Don't move up for the Leodhasach life, then try to show you know best. Of course, do help us make some things better if you think you can - that's different and that's welcomed. But don't try and change our ways just because they don't suit you. If it ain't broke...
4. You should learn what a 'lap' is.
I mean, it's not that important, but if you want to take the 'blone' for a spin in your new ST focus on a Saturday night, you've got to know where to go. I won't lie, this is how Kevin and I first started hanging out - in fact, I think there may even have been a mention of it in his wedding speech - and look at us now!
Starting point is optional, in this case it's Spar roundabout.
Pass through Bayhead and remember to flash your lights at every car you know, or even just the ones you barely know - she'll like that.
Prepare to slow down at the 20p car park, that's where it starts to get interesting.
It's important to crawl past the Crown and the Lewis establishments. 1am is prime time for ‘lapping’ and seeing who's out. You don't want to miss a thing, it’s gold.
Next up is the convenient road bump adjacent to Era, which allows you plenty time to spot the shortest pair of shorts, the highest definition eyebrows, the most volumous backcombed hair and the 'can't walk in them' peep toes with tights.
After that, you're as well to pick up the pace until taking the fourth exit on the next roundabout. Then repeat.
5. Get used to people being nice!
So when you're a Leodhasach in a city, there are a few things you have to remind yourself of:
traffic is busy - a red light doesn't always mean it's safe to walk.
city people are always in a rush - try not to walk too slowly or take too long choosing what to order for your take-away lunch.
buses will not wait for you - I learned that the hard way.
don't smile at people on the tube and definitely don't try to start a conversation.
there's not always the chance that someone-who-knows-your-cousin will manage to get your mobile back to you if you leave it behind somewhere - also learned that the hard way.
Not everyone has heard of 'Teann a-Nall' or 'Eilean Fraoich', so don't request them at parties if you're the only islander - something else I learned the hard way.
OK, they're trivial reminders in the grand scheme of Leodhasach life. We're not actually like 'islanders abroad' when we go to the mainland or beyond. We're not lost, we're not senseless and we're not totally naive. We're just used to everything being a little different - calmer, slower and dare I say it, friendlier. People will say hello to you as you pass through our Castle Grounds, people will start conversations with you out of the blue and people will smile at you in the post office (we don't have a subway). The bus driver will wait that extra 20 seconds if he sees you coming and one last thing, people don't rush you here. I hate making a decision on what to have for lunch, especially when there's an unspoken matter of unnecessary urgency. Chicken, ham or beef? Bread or salad? Mayo? Definitely no mayo, ever, but why should that sort of decision be carried out in a hurry? Lunch is important, people, and I like taking my time.
I actually like cities, I've been to some!
Disclaimer: I'm not saying you don't get friendly people in cities. Like I said, we're not naive. I'm currently trying to visit as many places around the world as I can while I'm still in my 20s - you know, while Kevin and I have no dependents and we're living mortgage free, for now. Plus, travelling is easy now and as of late, much cheaper for islanders to get to the mainland.
That said, although I love going to new places, I never dread coming home afterwards. The sight of panoramic moorland and impressive sea as you land in Stornoway airport excites me. That hard dose of 'post-vacation depression' people talk about has always passed me by. I love coming home. That brings me on to number six...
6. Get ready for 'Cianalas'
People ask me what I love so much about this place and if I'm honest, I always struggle to put it into words. They usually ask, 'is it the beautiful landscapes? Or the beaches?' Actually, I can go a full week without stepping onto one of our breathtaking beaches, visiting the Callanish stones, eating fresh local seafood or taking any sort of advantage of our island life offerings. Maybe I should be a little ashamed of that. Still, I wouldn't choose to live anywhere else. I tried it before, twice, and was completely spiritless both times. The last attempt to move left me with piles of tissues next to my bed every morning and I seriously resorted to emotional eating - I don't really talk about that time, not ever. That deep sense of belonging to somewhere, when that somewhere is the Outer Hebrides, can get certain hold of you when you're not there. The best word I use to define such a feeling is cianalas. So be warned, if you really become a Leodhasach, it's hard to turn back.
What is it about this place?
If it's not about the alluring landscapes, the bonny beaches, the superior black pudding or the finest fresh air, then what is it that pulls every one of my big soppy heart strings? I'm not a notion-twisted idealist living on a 'remote Scottish island' because it sounds cool and dramatic. My Paisley born mother didn't move here after a holiday during Hebcelt, she made her life here because she fell completely in love with a great Leodhasach (one of the best actually); my Dad.
So why else couldn't I cope living on the mainland and what else draws me to this place so passionately?
It must be the people. It's the bus drivers who always wait for you, it's those who smile and say hello every Sunday as we walk through the Castle Grounds, it's the islanders who sing my favourite Gaidhlig songs (even if they don't know all the words either), it's the stranger in the Stornoway cafe who helped me choose what to have for my lunch. For some people, like my Mum, it's that one Leodhasach you fell head over heels in love with.
For me, it's not the scenic sight of landing in Stornoway airport after a great holiday. It's about the people waving to you from the airport control tower.
What is it about this place, you ask? It's the Leodhasachs.
